Somehow as we grow older we seem to do a lot more reflecting and I’m not certain if it starts at a particular phase of life, is reflecting found more in women than it is in men, is it dependent on age or have we been reflecting throughout our lives and it just seems to get more intense with the years because we become more aware of ourselves and our surroundings?
Regardless, as I approach another birthday, another Christmas season, and soon another new year, I find myself once again acknowledging just how much we continue to grow and learn, even though the last time that I checked I thought that I knew a whole lot more about myself, about those I love and adore and even those I don’t know but observe, but it turns out ‘don’t believe everything you think’. Just when we think we have it all it all figured out, we discover that we have only just touched the surface of self discovery.
So if it takes us a lifetime to know ourselves as we keep growing, why then do we allow the unimportant things to pull us down? Why do we stress about the things we cannot change and why do we allow anger, pain, self doubt, and resentment to reside inside of us? Surely if we know that everything is temporary we would know to spend less or no time at all on all the self doubt and negative emotions?
We stress about the things that we cannot change because we have made a habit of stress. It’s more like the invisible friend of negativity and we allow all these negative emotions because there has to be something from us feeding off these emotions. An unhealed wound or some type of emptiness that we are lacking, not getting what we need so holding onto this type of emotion in an odd way balances the imbalance so to speak.
How do we recognize that something or someone is not positive for us? Or when we are in a negative place why don’t we just change the situation? Surely that is what we all want to do? I dont think that anyone deliberately chooses to be unhappy or to be in a negative circle. I dont believe that a baby is born seeking negativity and unhappiness. Inside all of us is the need for happiness and a beautiful life. So how is that we fail to rec
And how do we make the decision to walk away after you have given so much of yourself? How do you decide ‘okay, this person or this situation is of a negative energy and I need to up and free myself’ How is it that some people will stay for years in a toxic place or a lifetime while others find the strength to walk away?
I know that our idea of happiness changes throughout our lives. What made us happy a year ago or six months ago may not necessarily make us happy today. I also know that when that happiness changes is when our perspectives change, our views on things change because we are growing and learning and doing better through that process and if we can allow ourselves the opportunity to change and view things differently we can find much self satisfaction, self awareness and growth.
If we had a telescope into the future we would be able to see how damaging all these negative emotions are to our bodies, hearts and minds and how negativity filtrates into other areas of our lives without us even realizing. We would be more mindful in our choices, more slow in our decisions and spend less time chasing anything or anyone and we would learn to live in the moment in all its glory without worrying about the opinions, judgments or even traditions of others. When we understand that our journey is one of self discovery by ourselves then we will understand that the only opinion of us that matters is ours.
Through these experiences, we grow, we not only become stronger but we become more careful of what and whom we allow to affect us so deeply because now we realize that the cuts remain deep and that the repair process takes its toll as the healing begins.
Thinking about the healing process reminds me that its not only from the hurt of another person that creates this whole healing process. There are so many things which we allow into our lives not understanding the real damage to ourselves, some we can control and others we cannot. Staying in a job you hate, studying for a degree that you don’t want study for, staying in a friendship that makes you unhappy, a marriage that makes you miserable, living in an area that you don’t particularly feel free in, a house that suffocates you, basically putting up with something or someone who does not nourish us, there are so many examples to this.
All of these things, we allow, by choice or not by choice, and in turn these events either build us or destroy us but what we do not care to see is the little indiscretions and irresponsibility that damages us along the way. Whether it be from someone else or from ourselves, it is the act that we entertain and allow these energies into our bodies, hearts and minds. We allow them because we need to feed off of something, we allow them because we lack the self-confidence to move on, we allow them because we hope for better, we allow them because we wait for change, we allow these negative energies because we do not realize that we have just one life to live because if we did understand the sacredness of life, we would close the door on that which no longer grows us or no longer nourishes the soul. Closing the door does not mean today, now, all at once, it means putting me first, day by day, step by step, thinking twice before doing, adjusting, slowly but surely, gaining strength in the little things that sometimes control me, directing my mind and not allowing it to be directed, understanding my own importance, the value of self and the impact of my own life, in small ways or in great ways, but acknowledging with clarity that who I am and what I am must be important to me without apologies.
Till next time!