LIFE

REDEEMING YOURSELF THROUGH BLAME

Who dares to make you put your dreams on hold? We all have an idea of how our lives should be. We all have a dream or goal of where we see ourselves and then we get dressed up and we stand in front of ourselves, blocking the view.

We stand in front of ourselves through a number of ways – guilt, doubt, excuses and even love and then the biggest crime of all is when we blame.

For the longest time in my life, I blamed someone else for making me give up on the things I wanted. The things I believed I would’ve been great in. Not ever once realizing that at any given moment, I could still begin to live the life I wanted, that it was never too late and that I held the power within to change my life as it was to what I wanted it to be, in an instant. But I didn’t. I stayed. I wanted to stay. I wanted to stand in my own way. It was my choice. It was convenient. It worked for me. It worked for us.

When someone pulls the rug from under your feet? You fall. Hard. The good news is, you don’t die from it even though it almost kills you, still, you come out stronger, better and wiser.

People say that love is all these wonderful things, but then again, people say a lot of things, it depends on what we choose to hear and whether we use it or not, and even though in our world of happy, we would all like a love that is pure, honest, kind, unselfish, and every other word that falls into the “many other a word dictionary” the reality is that love is also more sacrificial than we realize, it is also selfish and jealous. Love can intimidate, silently but passively rob you of  much more than you care to admit, and you will allow it, not because you are stupid but because you love. The lesson is to know and understand the difference of these types of love so that you are aware of what you accept into your own life.

Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful and perfect if we could decide what sort of love we want, who we want to love, whom we choose should love us, and how that should play out? If you decide that you will surround yourself with only the types of people you want to possibly spend the rest of your life with then you will probably end up with those with whom you’ve narrowed it down to. The probability of that relationship being successful is perhaps better than most.

For most however, these things are not planned, and at times, even when you do plan, in the midst of all that planning, you can meet someone who has nothing at all to do with your version of a plan. They won’t even be the title of the plan nor a full stop, but they arrive and they will shred every bit of every plan you may or not may not have had.

It’s not at all as bad as it sounds, because you allow it, and the reason you allow it? Is because there is nothing in this life as redeeming and enriching as to be loved completely and passionately.

You allow the love of someone else into yourself because when it arrives, it arrives unannounced.  It has no plan nor perfect timing. It simply arrives. And it conquers everything else. It conquers your fears, your doubts and it will conquer your dreams too. Suddenly you won’t have any dreams of your own, you won’t see or remember what your dreams ever were, you only see theirs, because now you see through their eyes and you practice to put them first, in everything you do and say, and over time, you are no longer first, nor second, not even third, you’ve lost your place somewhere. You give so much of yourself that you not even sure who you are anymore.

Do we do this because we love? Do we do this for love? Is this our version of love or have we taken on the role of someone else’s version of how they want their love to be? So we play it out at the expense of our own dreams?

Or – do we perhaps, do it to be safe inside someone else? Because we are too afraid to dare to live our dreams courageously enough on our own? Therefore we hide behind this notion of love and say, we loved and sacrificed? Does that make it better? Does that make us feel better? We didn’t quite accomplish what we thought we would but we loved? Surely that should be enough in a world where love is everything? That should count for enough in this life?

Like everything there is the good and the bad and it’s how we choose to see the result of our choices that makes the difference and enriches our lives.

Don’t give up your dreams for someone or something else and if you do, then take responsibility for it because when its done, remember – that in making that decision, to pause your dreams, and to allow someone else to live theirs vicariously through you, whilst you sat and nurtured, remember, that you were there, conscious and willing.

“Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep.” – Clive Barker

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